My Love
by evilrabidplotbunnies
Summary: The teaching staff of Hogwarts had love polygons... And then there was Draco Malfoy.
1. Chapter 1

Love Potions

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and an itty-bitty, tiny-teeny, yellow polka-dot bikini. Everything else belongs to J. K. Rowling, but I plan to steal it all back from her once I take over the entire universe and all of its contents. I'll get you and your little dog too!

Severus Snape was not having a good day. He spent the entire morning yelling at Gryffindor students, Harry Potter in particular, for being a disorganized group of howling maniacs. The afternoon was filled with grading four-foot long essays about bezoars. Even Snape had to agree that the subject was boring. But, he couldn't admit this, for the sake of keeping his reputation as a horrible teacher who had no respect for student opinions or a social life.

Snape groaned as he pulled out an eight-foot long essay with tiny writing all over it. It was without a doubt Hermione Granger's. _That student could write a book about all the people that I've dated!_ Snape thought, which was zero people. He immediately took out a quill and scribbled a big O on the essay without even reading it. Next was Harry Potter's essay. Snape took out all of his frustrations on that essay, first by performing a shrinking spell and saying that the essay was only three feet and eleven inches long. Snape scrawled a T on the essay, and felt pleased with himself.

Meanwhile, Professor McGonagall was walking down the hall to Snape's office. She was in deep thought, and didn't even notice when she walked right into one of her least favorite students, Draco Malfoy. Both of them seemed dazed for a moment, and continued on their way without a word. McGonagall proceeded to Snape's door, and knocked on it, waiting for an answer.

Snape reluctantly answered the door, he was having so much fun making up bad stuff about Harry Potter'' essay, and purposefully giving him bad grades.

"Hello, Snape- I mean, Hello Severus," McGonagall stuttered.

"Hi, Minnie," Snape replied, glad to see that his favorite person (if anyone could possibly be a favorite of Snape's) was at the door. "What is it that you need?"

"Well, I need you to brew a love potion for me, I am desperate about getting that special someone to like me," McGonagall said.

"Oh," Snape said, startled at this request. "For who?"

"Oh, just someone special," McGonagall said, eyeing Snape with a gleam in her eye.

"Please tell me," Snape said, eager for a bit of gossip.

"Oh, alright. It starts with Slug and ends with Horn," McGonagall said.

"Slughorn!" Snape repeated, feeling enraged. McGonagall had always seemed like a close friend of his, and perhaps even more than a friend, sometimes.

"Yes, he's simply so charming and se-" McGonagall started.

"Okay, I get it," Snape cut her off, not wanting to hear anything that would give him nightmares. "But what's in it for me?"

"How about a thank you?" McGonagall tried.

"No, something bigger," Snape said, testing her.

"A new broom?"

"I don't even know how to fly," Snape exclaimed, bad memories coming back to him/

"Potter's mysterious absence from your class for the rest of the year?"

"Now you're getting there," Snape said.

"Pranking and humiliating Potter?"

"That'll do!" Snape said happily. _With McGonagall's help, not only will Potter be entirely miserable,_ Snape thought, _I'll get to spend quality time with my love._

"Potion first, Severus!" McGonagall said impatiently, making Snape pull out of his thoughts.

"Here you go, Minnie," Snape said, taking a pre-made love potion off one of his shelves, and handing it to the professor. McGonagall took it without a word of thanks, and left, leaving a very dazzled Snape behind.

In the Slytherin common room, Draco Malfoy was busy describing to Crabbe and Goyle the woman of his dreams.

"She has the most wonderful form, and her voice is so soft and charming, and she has the most wonderful-" Draco trailed on.

"Draco darling!" an annoying voice called.

Draco groaned inwardly. He hated Pansy Parkinson the most out of all the students at Hogwarts, except maybe Harry Potter. But right now, Pansy was definitely Draco's biggest problem.

"Draco, it's me! You love me! Don't you?" Pansy asked in a worried tone.

"No Pansy, actually, I hate you. You and your annoying ways, you and your voice, you and your talk, you and your everything. I could never love you! Besides, I love someone else," Draco said in a harsh tone that almost made Pansy cry.

"You-don't-like-me-anymore-!" Pansy shouted, enraged. She burst into tears, and ran out of the room, leaving Draco wondering why he didn't break up with her sooner.

In the Gryffindor common room, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were laughing about the latest prank they played on Draco Malfoy.

"The love potion was a great idea!" Ron exclaimed happily.

"And the best of it is, he's in love with McGonagall!" Harry said.

"The first person that he'd see!" Hermione laughed.

"This is gonna be funny!" Harry said, rolling over in laughter. Who knew what adventures would take place…


	2. Chapter 2

My Love

Disclaimer: I'm not gonna say it again, it hurts too much! (I own nothing! Boo-hoo!)

Chapter 2A Most Interesting Potions

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were walking on the way to Potions, when they discovered Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, in a huddle, whispering excitedly about something. Unfortunately, the moment the three walked by, Malfoy stopped talking and looked up.

"Hello, Potter. What are you up to? Going on an adventure with Weasel and Mudblood?" Malfoy sneered.

"What are _you_ doing? Off to find McGonagall?" Ron said, feeling enraged. Harry and Hermione made an effort to stop Ron before Malfoy caught on to what they had done.

Malfoy looked shocked. He hadn't expected the trio to know about his secret desire for the professor. But then, it hit him. They were the reason of his newfound passion about McGonagall.

"You-" Malfoy stammered.

"What's the matter, _cat_ got your tongue?" Ron continued.

"Ron!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Well, well, well, what have we here?" Snape's voice drawled from behind them.

The six of them stood rooted to the ground. Snape looked murderous. But suddenly, Professor McGonagall was seen walking down the hall. Snape's displeasure changed almost immediately at the sight of the "lovely" professor. Malfoy's face also lit up at the sight of Professor McGonagall.

"Minerva," Malfoy and Snape both said at the same time.

"Hello, Severus," McGonagall said with a smile, before walking away.

_She said hi,_ Malfoy thought to himself. _She loves me, she said hi, she loves me, she said hi!_

Meanwhile, Snape was thinking, _She's so pretty, I must have her, I need her, she's definitely the one, I'll do anything to have her, I'll win her from Slughorn!_

Snape snapped out of his thoughts sooner than Malfoy, who was still repeating the same phrase in a singsong voice in his head. "Well, get to class, don't want to be late!" Snape said in a pleasant voice, forgetting to take away points from Gryffindor. He skipped down the hallway to the Potions classroom with a happy look on his face.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were amazed. They had never seen Snape in such a state. What did this mean? Was Snape in _love_? Could it be possible?

The three of them walked to Potions, feeling a bit nauseous at seeing Snape in such a state. Malfoy, on the other hand, was determined to win McGonagall over, no matter what it takes. But then again, Malfoy realized that Harry, Ron, and Hermione were the ones responsible for his newfound passion, but he paid no attention to that. All of his thoughts were now focused on a certain grey-haired witch named Minerva.

In Potions class, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were surprised to find that Snape's good mood continued. He gave no homework, added 50 points to Gryffindor for not making him mad (which no one did, for fear that Snape's mood would change), gave Hermione a compliment about being a good student, and even gave Neville an Outstanding for the day. Things were definitely out of whack. Meanwhile, Malfoy was busy covering his entire piece of parchment with the name "MINERVA" in giant letters, visible to the entire class. Malfoy drew surprisingly good hearts all over the page and continuously wrote DM+MMLOVE everywhere.

"Mister Malfoy, are you even paying attention?" Snape asked, his voice becoming icy again.

"No sir," Malfoy said without thinking.

"Hand over that piece of parchment!" Snape yelled, feeling back to normal.

"No, not my artwork!" Malfoy said, as he scrambled to hide his "artwork", but Snape was faster. He pulled Malfoy up by the collar and deposited him inside a large cauldron. Snape grabbed the parchment an read it, his eyes growing wider by the second.

"YOU, YOU, YOU LITTLE GIRLFRIEND STEALING, NOTE WRITING, FERRET. I'M GONNA GET YOU FOR THIS! NO ONE STEALS MY MINNIE!" Snape exploded, unable to control his emotions. He immediately got up and began to beat Draco on the head with an old potions book, sending cobwebs and spiders flying everywhere. The entire class was on its feet not knowing who to cheer for (obviously Draco vs. Snape had no good people in it). Ron, who was terrified of spiders, ran round the classroom screaming like a little girl. Malfoy, seeing that everyone's heads were turned to watch Ron's antics, chose this moments to pull himself out of the cauldron and tried to escape Snape. But, an angry Snape chased Malfoy around the room, knocking over desks and cauldrons, and sending various potions and their ingredients flying everywhere. Students everywhere were turning into animals, or becoming horribly mutilated. Harry's nose had become enormous, and was touching the ground. Crabbe had shrunken to the size of a pea, Goyle grew to the size of a giraffe, Lavender had turned into a pig, and Parvati was running away from Lavender, who did not know what was wrong. Then, Malfoy tripped over Harry's nose and was sent flying across the room, bounced off of Goyle's neck and crashed into Snape, and the two of them immediately started a fistfight. Lavender let out a loud scream after discovering that she was a pig, and soon, the entire school was gathered around the Potions classroom, watching with interest. The room was in chaos.

Suddenly, the worst thing possible occurred for Snape and Malfoy. Professor Minerva McGonagall walked in.

"WHAT IS GOING ON!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

The chaos stopped abruptly. The scene was very comical. Snape and Malfoy at each other's throats, Lavender the pig on the floor sobbing, tiny Crabbe running around and people (Slytherins, rather) lifting their feet (the Gryffindors were trying to stomp on him, which terrified poor Crabbe even more than seeing everything as being giants), Harry with a very big nose, Hermione practically on top of Harry trying to keep them from falling over, Goyle's head sticking out of the door and his giant neck in everyone's way, and the entire student body gathered around to see what was happening.

McGonagall glared at them and said, "I want this mess cleaned up before lunch," in her serious don't-you-dare-mess-with-me-or-I'll-turn-you-into-a-toad voice, and everyone made a mad dash to the door, not wanting to be left behind to do the clean-up work.


	3. Chapter 3

My Love

Disclaimer: Must I type it again?

Chapter 3Thoughts and Excuses

"WHO CAUSED THIS?" McGonagall screamed, finally losing it. Everyone's fingers pointed at Draco and Snape.

"YOU TWO! IN MY OFFICE, _NOW_!" McGonagall roared.

_She looks so lovely when she's angry_, Snape thought happily. _Plus, she's spoken to me three times today! A major improvement from just a "Hi Snape, go change your shirt and take a shower!"_

_I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!_ Draco screamed inside his head. McGonagall's every movement seemed to make Draco want to pounce on her and-well, let's not get that far. _I'll go to her office, ask about some Transfiguration assignment, and then, tell her about my feelings. But it has to be after Snape leaves. Snape, I THINK HE LOVES MY LOVE, WHICH IS BAD CUZ IF HE LOVES MY LOVE, MY LOVE MIGHT LOVE HIM AND WON'T LOVE ME, HER TRUE LOVE. I CAN'T BELIEVE HE LOVES HER! HE LOVES MY LOVE! THAT SNAPE! I'M GONNA KILL HIM! OR BETTER YET, I'LL SHOW MINERVA THAT I'M BETTER THAN THAT POTIONS TEACHER.. I'M HER TRUE LOVE AND SHE LOVES ME! I KNOW SHE LOVES ME AND I LOVE HER AND WE'LL GET MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS AND WE'LL LOVE EACH OTHER AND DIE IN LOVE TOGETHER AND I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE THINKS CUZ I LOVE HER! I'LL SHOW THAT SNAPE! I LOVE HER! I LOVE HER! HOW DARE HE LOVE HER! I LOVE HER! Man, I'm thinking about love way too much!_

_I know, I'll talk to her once Draco leaves and tell her about my feelings, and get her to like me.. I have such good looks and a charm with the ladies. I know she'll love me once she realizes that we're perfect for each other. I'll tell her that I have to talk about something and get that brat Draco to leave, and we'll be ALONE. Hmm…_ Snape thought, an idea forming in his mind. _And we also have to come up with ways to prank that Potter boy, so I'll tell her we need to talk about that. And we do, so it's not a lie. Whew, I'd hate to lie to her my darling Minnie, my lovebug, my sweetie, my dearest love, my pumpkin, my sweet potato, my…_

The three of them walked down the hall to McGonagall's office, avoiding the many stares from the students. Meanwhile, Professor Dumbledore was cleaning up the mess and returning the students to their normal state. He was also secretly reading the minds of Snape and Draco, and became very interested about the liking McGonagall parts. Dumbledore was also feeling somewhat nauseated by Snape's pet names for Minerva. At the word "sweet potato", Dumbledore vomited violently, recreating the mess he'd just cleaned up.

"Albus, are you alright?" McGonagall asked. Malfoy and Snape were both enraged by the attention Dumbledore was getting.

_Maybe I should throw up too,_ Draco thought.

"Just fine, Minerva," Dumbledore replied. He made a mental note: NO MORE MIND READING!

Inside McGonagall's office, Malfoy and Snape were giving a detailed explanation of what had happened, careful to leave out any information relating to loving "Minerva".

"And that's it?" McGonagall said skeptically. "Severus, you got mad because your star student was writing a note? A NOTE? AARRGGHH!" McGonagall, looked ready to explode. "Because of a note, you two cause about 178 galleons in damage to school property, injured 21 students, and wasted 34 minutes of class time! A NOTE!"

"I sowwy," Snape said in a squeaky boyish voice.

"Minerva, I am truly sorry for all that I've caused," Draco said in a deeper voice.

"Don't call me Minerva!" McGonagall snapped.

_Ha, she told off Malfoy! She loves me, she loves me!_ Snape thought.

_She's just saying that because she doesn't want Snape to know about her feelings towards me,_ Draco convinced himself.

"Can I talk to you?" Draco asked.

"After _I_ talk first," Snape inteerjected.

"Once I'm done talking to her!" Draco replied angrily.

"You can't talk because you're a student!" Snape yelled.

"I NEED TO TALK ABOUT AN ESSAY FOR TRANSFIGURATION!"

"I NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW TO PRANK POTTER!"

"QUIET!" McGonagall said. "YOU TWO HVE DETENTION FOR FRIDAY NIGHT! NOW LEAVE IMMEDIATELY!"

"But you can't-" Snape started.

"I CAN AND I WILL, NOW LEAVE!"

_Ha, she told him off! She loves ME! _Draco thought.

_She's just saying that to keep her feelings a secret,_ Snape thought.


	4. Chapter 4

My Love

Chapter 4Problems

Disclaimer: My friend borrowed my itty-bitty, tiny teeny, yellow polka-dot bikini, so all I have is the plot.

Within hours, the entire school found out that Snap and Malfoy had a detention set for Friday. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were sitting in the Gryffindor common room, plotting their next prank on Malfoy, to get back at him for seven years of being a jerk.

"How 'bout we switch his shampoo with honey?" Hermione suggested.

"No, that's not big enough," Ron said.

"We pull a prank on McGonagall and blame him for it?" Harry suggested, always ready to pull a prank on someone.

"Maybe, but when?" Ron asked.

"During detention!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Great! What do we do?" Ron asked.

"First, we spy on him and Snape, because we need to know what he's up to. Snape's been acting pretty weird lately, and Draco seems to know why," Harry reasoned.

"Alright, let's do it!" Ron said.

Snape was enraged. He, a Hogwarts teacher for goodness sakes, had gotten a detention! _On the other hand,_ Snape thought. _Minnie could've given me the detention to talk to me and maybe even get closer and closer and closer…_ Snape started to sweat. He definitely wasn't ready for a … relationship! _But then again,_ Snape thought._ Minnie is the love of my life. I must have her. I'll show that Malfoy not to mess with Severus Snape!_

Malfoy was slowly making his way towards the Slytherin common room, thinking of ways to get back at Snape for liking his woman. "_Minerva, I need to tell you something,"_ Malfoy thought to himself. _No, I need to say something better. How about, "Hey Minerva, you are the object of my desires, the center of my dreams, the love of my life, the…_ Malfoy definitely didn't know what to say. The only girl that he had ever kept a relationship with for longer than 2 seconds was Pansy Parkinson, and she was-_Wait, _Draco thought to himself. _Pansy would definitely be able to help me, I'll go ask her!_

"Oh no!" Hermione said.

"What?" Harry asked.

"The Love Potion! It only lasts for a week!" Hermione exclaimed.

"So?" Ron asked, not getting the point.

"So, soon Malfoy's gonna realize that he doesn't like McGonagall anymore, and he'll be trying to get back at us for doing this to him!"

"Just give him another dose, sheesh!" Ron said.

"And how exactly will we do that?" Hermione demanded. "It was hard enough to give him the first dose of the potion!"

For the first dose, the three of them had put a sleeping spell on Malfoy, and forced the liquid down his mouth while standing in middle of the hallways. The second time would definitely be tricky.

"Don't worry Mione, you'll figure it out eventually!" Harry replied, walking out of the portrait. "In the meanwhile, we need to beg Professor Slughorn to brew us another potion!"

Professor McGonagall was clutching the bottle of love potion very tightly. Today was the day. She will give Slughorn the potion, and she'll love her. _Yes, finally! He'll love me! He loves me! He loves me!_ McGonagall thought. She was almost there. The door was slightly ajar. Inside, she could hear voices talking.

"Please professor, we simply love your potions, they are brewed so wonderfully!" Hermione said.

"Oh, alright, but it will take some time, a three days, at the least," Slughorn said.

McGonagall entered. Her heart gave a jolt when she saw the professor. He was dressed in an ugly dark green robe, a faded old hat, and had recently died his hair purple. But all that McGonagall saw was the most handsome man on earth.

"Hello, Minerva!" Slughorn said happily.

_He said my name!_ McGonagall thought.

"Hello Horace," she replied in what she thought was a seductive voice, but it really sounded like she was drunk.

"Are you alright?" Slughorn asked, surprised at McGonagall's behavior.

_He asked how I was!_ McGonagall thought happily. _He loves me!_

"I've come to give you this," McGonagall said in the same voice, making her sound as if she was trying to murder him.

"What is it?" Slughorn asked, feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"You'll see," she replied, giving him the "seductive eye" (or so McGonagall read in a Muggle magazine). To Slughorn (and Harry, Ron, and Hermione), it seemed as if McGonagall was trying to poison him.

Slughorn took a good look at the potion. He recognized it as a love potion.

"Oh thank you Minerva!" Slughorn said. "This is exactly what I was looking for. Mr. Potter and his friends are in need of this love potion, and here it is! Thank you!" Slughorn said, and to McGonagall's dismay, promptly handed to potion to Harry.

"Oh," said the shocked McGonagall. "Well, I'll just be on my way…" McGonagall left the room, leaving Harry, Ron, and Hermione wondering what that was all about.


	5. Chapter 5

My Love

Disclaimer: This is my disclaimer. It is very disclaiming.

Chapter 5Detention

Friday came sooner than expected. Harry, Ron, and Hermione sneaked into the Transfiguration classroom ten minutes before six and stood under the Invisibility Cloak, waiting for Snape and Malfoy to come and serve detention and spy on them. Who knew what they were going to hear…

Malfoy walked down the hallway to McGonagall's classroom, feeling very happy about getting another chance to see her. _What should I say?_ Malfoy wondered. He was in deep thought for a moment, when he realized that he had walked past the Transfiguration classroom and was now near the girl's bathroom. He stopped abruptly and saw exactly the person that he wanted to see.

"Hello Pansy," Malfoy said.

"Hello, _Draco_," Pansy said stiffly. "What do you want? Do you want to get back together again?" Pansy said hopefully.

"No, Pansy," Draco replied. "But I came to ask you, well, I don't know how to say it, but… Well, suppose you like someone, um, how do you tell them?"

Pansy stared at Draco as if he were a bug. "And you are asking me, why?"

"'Cause, you're a _girl_," Draco said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Just say, I love you," Pansy said slowly, as if speaking to a small child. "I love you. Just like that! Now go away!"

Malfoy reluctantly made his way back to the Transfiguration classroom, where Snape and McGonagall were waiting.

"Minerva, you look stunning, as always," Malfoy said.

"Mister Malfoy, don't try to flatter your way out of detention," McGonagall said, while Snape clenched his fists. "Now, I want you two to copy this sentence on a piece of parchment 100 times as your punishment," she said, gesturing to the chalkboard, which said: I have been a horrible student and deserve nothing but cruel punishment for my actions, which have hurt others in many ways, but instead of cruel punishment, I will have to copy this long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long sentence many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many times.

In the corner, Harry, Ron, and Hermione snickered at the thought of copying the long sentence 100 times.

"Now, get to work," McGonagall said before leaving the room.

Snape immediately began yelling at Draco.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING YOU LITTLE FERRET! YOU'RE LOVING MY DARLING MINNIE, AND SHE LOVES ME AND DOESN'T EVEN GIVE A (Snape, to Hermione's surprise, makes a rude hand gesture) ABOUT YOU AND YOUR LITTLE FERRETY ANTICS SO BUG OFF!" Snape roared.

"OH YEAH, WELL SHE LOVES ME AND ABSOLUTELY HATES YOU, YOU SLIMEY, GREASEY, DIRTBALL OF A PROFESSOR! I LOVE HER AND SHE LOVES ME AND YOU'RE LEFT OUT OF THIS LOVE THANG! WE'LL GET MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS (Harry, Ron, and Hermione shuddered at the thought) AND I'LL SHOW YOU NOT TO MESS WITH A MALFOY!" Malfoy roared.

"YEAH, WELL TAKE THAT!" Snape said, throwing a bottle of ink at Draco, and ruining his robes.

"TAKE THIS!" Draco shouted, running up to Snape and smearing ink all over his face.

"HA!" Snape said, pouring ink all over Draco's hair, making it turn blue.

"THAT'S FOR LOVING MY WOMAN!" Draco said, as he poured pink ink all over Snape's white shirt.

"THAT'S FOR CALLING HER MINERVA!" Snape said, punching Draco in the face.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were fighting to control their laughter in the corner. The scene was so comical that it was hard not to laugh. Snape, his face blue, throwing punches at Draco with pink ink all over his shirt, and Draco, his hair blue, and his robes stained, running away from Snape.

Draco stopped running and threw punches back at Snape. Soon, the two of them were covered in bruises. Draco's face was entirely purple from being hit by a textbook that Snape had thrown. Snape's clothes were torn to revealing extents, and shocking amounts of skin were showing.

Then, at the same time, Malfoy and Snape realized that they had wands.

"BOREALIS MAXMUS!" Snape shrieked, which made Malfoy's entire body rainbow-colored.

"EXCRETIUM ARZAEA!" Malfoy yelled, causing Snape to be dressed in a bright orange bra and thong.

"How dare you!" Snape exclaimed.

Meanwhile, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were all struggling to stop laughing for the sake of revealing themselves.

Suddenly, McGonagall walked in.


	6. Chapter 6

My Love

Note: Thanks to all of my reviewers! Special thanks to Kat—MysticMusc for being my very first reviewer! Keep on reviewing, people! I'm very happy about getting 286 hits so far… By the way, what does ROFL (from nilfheim) stand for? I feel really dumb right now…

Disclaimer: All I own is the… come on, say it with me… PLOT… P-L-O-T, plot… nothing else!

Chapter 6-Dumbledore's Help 

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" McGonagall roared.

Snape and Malfoy both began talking at the same time, and McGonagall was unable to understand a word that they said, except for…

"HE STARTED IT!" Snape and Malfoy both shrieked.

"You two, come with me to see the headmaster right now!" McGonagall said, leading the way. Snape and Malfoy followed McGonagall out of the classroom, and the door closed behind them.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione got out from under the Invisibility cloak and made their way to the door. It was locked.

"Oh no, what are we going to do?" Hermione worried.

"We'll be stuck here all night!" Ron said.

"No, you won't," a voice said from behind them. The three of them turned around.

"Professor Dumbledore, what are you doing here?" Harry asked incredulously.

"The same thing you three were doing," Dumbledore replied with a smile on his face. "Spying, aren't we?"

"Professor!" Hermione said, shocked. "But, why?"

"For my own amusement. I knew something was bound to happen in here," he replied. "I can read minds, just like Snape."

Harry recalled the time he had tried to hide the copy of Advanced Potions from Snape, and realized that they had to be careful what they thought about Snape.

"So, what do we do now?" Ron asked.

"Well, I guess we're in on this together. I for one, would like to see some romance taking place, so I suppose we should plan something," Dumbledore said, slightly amused.

"How about a blind date?" Ron suggested.

"Great idea, Ron! We should make Snape and McGonagall go out!" Harry said.

"Excellent! You should write them a love note!" Ron said.

"Wait, but McGonagall doesn't like Snape!" Hermione exclaimed.

"She likes Professor Slughorn," Dumbledore said quietly. "I read her mind one day., and she was thinking about giving him a love potion, or something."

"Great, we'll write McGonagall a note saying that Slughorn wanted to have dinner, and we'll write Snape a note saying McGonagall wanted to have dinner!" Harry said.

"Where should we hold the date?" Hermione asked.

"In the Room of Requirement!" Harry said. "We can lock them in there for two hours, and watch them under the Invisibility Cloak!"

"Great! Let's get started!" Ron said, eager to get something done.

Within five minutes of arguing, Harry, Ron, and Hermione, with the help of Dumbledore, had written two love notes, one for McGonagall, and one for Snape. Dumbledore unlocked to door to the Transfiguration classroom (it was locked form the inside and outside), and the four of them left. Harry went to the Owlery and gave one letter to Hedwig to give to McGonagall. When Hedwig got back, Harry gave her the other letter for Snape. The date would be in the Room of Requirement on Saturday night, at seven o'clock. Harry could hardly wait.


	7. Chapter 7

My Love

Note: Thanks to all my reviewers so far! Especially Leta McGotor for being the only person to review more than once!  Thanks for the . Jessi!

Disclaimer: I finally got my bikini back, so that makes 2 things I own: bikini and plot. All else goes to J. K.

Chapter 7-Strong Emotions

Malfoy and Snape walked down the hallway to Dumbledore's office, with various thoughts running through their minds. The effects of the love potions were beginning to wear off on Malfoy, and he began to doubt that McGonagall loved him. He was also having _very_ mixed emotions, a side effect of the love potion. Meanwhile, Snape was very angry with Malfoy for putting him in an orange bra and thong. He tried to avoid the odd stares from students in the hallways, but soon, Snape was ver pissed off.

"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT YOU STUCK-UP FREAK!" Snape shouted at a terrified first year.

"Severus, control yourself!" McGonagall warned, trying her hardest not to laugh at Snape's attire.

"Don't worry," Malfoy said, comforting the first year, who immediately ran away at the sight of the rainbow-colored seventh-year talking to him. To be honest, Malfoy looked a lot like a clown at the moment.

Malfoy burst into tears. "He's scared by me!" he sobbed. "The-kid-ran-away."

McGonagall and Snape looked at Malfoy as if he was insane.

"Mister Malfoy," McGonagall said. "Pull yourself together."

"I can't," Malfoy said, unable to control himself. "Everybody hates me! (sob) You don't even like me, and you're the love of my life! WAAAA! BWAA! NYAHH!"

"What did you say?" McGonagall asked, not knowing if she had heard correctly. "Did you just say you… LOVE me?"

"No, he said, um, you're the… um… _fluff_ of my, um, k-kite," Snape said hastily, not wanting McGonagall to know about Draco's secret love.

"Really?" McGonagall said, still skeptical about Malfoy's words.

The three of them continued to Dumbledore's office in silence, with the exception of a few more "unintelligible" outbursts from Malfoy about "fluff". When they reached Dumbledore's office, they were surprised to find that it was empty.

"It appears that the headmaster is not here," McGonagall said, not knowing what to do next. "Well, I suppose we should-WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?"

Snape, who was once again in a love-struck doze, was looking at McGonagall with a bit of drool coming out from the corner of his mouth.

"Hello? Hello in there? Earth to Snape?" McGonagall tried. "WAKE UP!"

This definitely shook Snape awake, and he jumped, accidentally stepping on Draco's foot, causing him to start crying all over again.

"You," McGonagall said, pointing at Snape. "Take _this _back to the Slytherin common room, and return to your office, I will deal with you later."

"Yes dear," Snape said in a dreamy voice.

"NOW!" McGonagall shouted.

Once Snape returned to his office, he found a snowy white owl waiting for him with a note on its leg. He unrolled the note and read it to himself, feeling happier by the second. It said:

_Dear Snape,_

_I'm sorry for hollering at you at the time, but I love you and would like you to eat dinner with me tomorrow night at seven o'clock. Meet me in the Room of Reiqurimente and change your shirt, wash your hair, brush your teeth, and look nice._

_Yours truly,_

_McGonagall_

_Wow, _Snape thought. _She wants me to have dinner with her. She loves me! I was right! Malfoy was wrong! Ha! She spells requirement the same way I do, wow, we really have a connection! Wait, she just ASKED ME OUT! I've never been on a date before! What do I do! What do I wear? I going on a date! I'M GOING ON A DATE! I SHALL RAISE MY SOCIAL STATUS FROM "LOSER" TO "SOCIAL IDIOT"! YAY ME! I'M NOT A LOSER! I'M GOING ON A DATE!_

And with that, Snape took out a quill and pulled out a sheet of parchment from under a pile of books. It said:

Number of dates offered to others: 157 

_Number of times turned down: 157_

_Number of times asked out: 0_

_Number of times cheated on: 0_

Number of People Dated: 0 

_Number of Girlfriends: 0.5 (do cousins count?)_

_Times Kissed: 0_

_Times More Than Kissed: 0_

_Times did "you know what": 0_

_Times Married: 0_

_Times Divorced: 0_

_Number of kids: 0 (but I adopted a baby ant once!)_

Social Status: LOSER-ARE YOU GAY? 

Snape happily made one tally mark on the "number of times asked out" and watched as his social status magically changed from "LOSER" to "SOCIAL IDIOT". Snape was the happiest he had been in years. He immediately spent the next five hours preparing his wardrobe. After ages of debating with himself, he finally decided on a midnight blue robe with a matching hat. Snape felt very pleased with himself. In fact, he even took a shower and brushed his teeth!


	8. Chapter 8

My Love

Note: Thanks to all of my reviewers! And thanks to for telling me what ROFL stood for!

Disclaimer: I've written it seven times, must I say it again?

Chapter 8-A Most Amusing Date

Minerva McGonagall had just arrived at her office, and found a snowy white owl waiting for her. She slowly took the note tied to its leg, and read it, a thrill running through her spine the note said:

_My dearest McGonagall,_

_Please meet me for dinner at seven tonight in the Room of Requirement on the seventh floor. I am sorry for not showing my affection towards you, but I wish to keep our relationship a secret. I love you, dear._

_Yours truly,_

_Slughorn_

_P.S. Dye your grey hair and wear something nice, how about leather? _(Harry wrote, eager to see McGonagall in some other clothes.)

McGonagall read the letter over and over until she had memorized it. She was very excited about the date, and immediately began to dye her hair and change her entire look. _Boy, will Horace be in for a surprise!_ McGonagall thought, and "he" certainly will.

Snape made his way towards the seventh floor corridor, his appearance earning many incredulous looks from students. He walked towards the giant portrait on the wall, and thought _I need to go to the date with McGonagall, I need to go to the date with McGonagall, I need to go to the date with McGonagall, _while walking back and forth. A giant oak door materialized in front of him, he opened it and walked in. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Dumbledore were already in the room, and set up a small round table with all sorts of food prepared in advance. The four of them nearly laughed out loud at Snape's new wardrobe.

Snape, seeing that McGonagall hadn't arrived yet, began to nibble at a bit of bread, before taking a huge gulp of wine. Dumbledore had helped Harry, Ron, and Hermione put some potion into the two wine goblets. The potion would make the drinkers love each other for a half an hour and abandon their love for anyone else forever, but after it wears off, they would find an unusual hatred towards the other person for the rest of their lives. So, this potion would make McGonagall and Snape fall in love, and then hate each other and have the worst time of their lives. (This would also make McGonagall not like Slughorn anymore, and Snape wouldn't like McGonagall anymore after this.)

McGonagall was walking down the seventh floor corridor, feeling very proud of herself. She had changed her look completely. Any teacher would be an idiot not to fall for her (which, later, might be a problem… hint, hint…). Many students were getting goggle-eyed, constantly staring at her in the hallways. Thankfully, McGonagall did not pass by Draco Malfoy that day, or else things could turn very complicated.

McGonagall walked back and forth in front of the portrait, and thought, _I need to get to my date with Slughorn, I need to get to my date with Slughorn, I need to get to my date with Slughorn_. the large door appeared, she walked in, andgot the biggest shock of her life.

There was Snape, wearing a midnight blue robe that looked impressive on him. Impressively pathetic, that is. McGonagall took a seat, and took a tiny sip of wine.

"My goodness, Severus," McGonagall said, unaware of the potion's effects on her. "You look simply stunning tonight."

"I could say the same about you, but I won't need to," Snape said smoothly, leaning closer.

"Just say it," McGonagall tested. "Say I look pretty, you know you want to!"

"You look gorgeous, my darling," Snape said, taking in the smell of her perfume. She was simply irresistible.

"Well, we could eat," McGonagall suggested.

"Or, we could-" but Snape was cut off by McGonagall diving across the table and falling on top of him. Thankfully, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Dumbledore were on the other side of the table, and did not wish to view this act of love.

Finally, after what seemed like and hour (but what really was only ten minutes), Snape's head emerged, and his hair was messed up. He pulled himself up and sat down in his chair, beginning to eat. McGonagall did the same, eyeing Snape hungrily the whole time. Tonight, the meal consisted completely of Italian food, from a large plate of spaghetti to small pizzas as appetizers.

"Severus," McGonagall said. "You are the greatest potion maker I've ver seen."

"Am I Minnie?" Snape asked, becoming slightly drunk. "Well you're the best teacher in the world."

McGonagall picked up her goblet and emptied it. "You're the nicest guy I've ever met." (Which, of course, isn't true, but hey, she was drunk, very drunk.)

"You've got the sweetest lips I've ever tasted, and that's saying something," Snape said, which is also a lie, considering they were the only lips Snape had ever tasted.

McGonagall snatched up the wine bottle and poured its contents in her mouth and all over her face, rinsing off her make-up. Now she really was a comical sight. Professor McGonagall, wearing leather jacket and leather pants that really brought out her "figure", with make-up running down the side of her face, and her hair completely soaked. But she didn't seem to care a bit. McGonagall was completely obsessed with Snape, well, at least for the next few minutes.

The two of them shared the large plate of spaghetti, talking excitingly all the while. Then, they both had the same spaghetti noodle in their mouth and ate it all the way until their lips met. (so Lady and the Tramp-ish)

"Anytime now," Dumbledore muttered to himself.

And then, it happened. A horrible coughing sound was heard coming from McGonagall and Snape, both realizing that they hate each other, and trying to break away from their more-than-passionate kiss, while having spaghetti in their mouths. The look on their faces was to die for.

"YOU! YOU TRICKED ME!" McGonagall bellowed, felling extremely disgusted.

"NO, IT WAS YOU! YOU LED ME INTO THIS!" Snape yelled, annoyed that he had been very close to his least favorite person in the world.

"NO, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT ALWAYS SAYS YOU LOVE ME AND CALLS ME MINNIE!"

"BUT YOU WERE DROPPING OFF HINTS ALL THE TIME! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?"

"I DID! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I YELLED AT YOU, SNAPE! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU OFF! ISN'T IT OBVIOUS THAT I DIDN'T HAVE ANY FEELINGS TOWARDS YOU!" McGonagall roared.

"WELL I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE! I HATE YOU! YOU AND YOUR TEACHING! YOU AND YOUR CHARM! YOU AND YOUR WORDS! YOU AND YOUR HOTNESS! YOU AND YOUR EVERYTHING! I HATE YOU!" Snape yelled, his emotions getting the better of him.

"OH YEAH? WELL, I HATE YOU MORE! I HATE YOU TEN TIMES MORE THAN YOU HATE ME!"

"THEN WHY DID YOU ASK ME OUT!"

"I DIDN'T, I THOUGHT I WAS ON A DATE WITH SLUGHORN!"

"THEN WHY DID YOU KISS ME THEN? HUH? HUH?" Snape said incredulously.

"I DON'T KNOW, IT WAS LIKE, ONE MOMENT I LOVED YOU, AND THE NEXT SECOND I HATE YOU!"

"WHY DID YOU SENT THAT INVITATION THEN?"

"I DIDN'T! I GOT ONE TOO!" McGonagall said, enraged.

"WAIT! This has something to do with POTTER!" Snape said, finally figuring it all out. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Dumbledore shifted uncomfortably under the invisibility cloak, or in Dumbledore's case, an invisibility charm.

"You're right! It was Potter! Potter's owl, Potter's handwriting! It all fits!" McGonagall said.

"How do we get back at him?" Snape asked.

"Hmm… I really don't know, I've been out of the pranking business for years," McGonagall said.

"YOU?" Snape said in disbelief. "You… pranked?"

"Did you ever figure out how your dirty underwear made it on top of the school roof?" McGonagall said slyly.

"You didn't. You're too old!" Snape said.

"Excuse me? OLD? Oh no you didn' just diss my age!" McGonagall said, looking very pissed off.

"Anyways," Snape said, not wanting her mad again. "What do we do?"

"I'm thinking about messing up his grades…"

"It has to be bigger!"

"Messing up his broom?"

"Nah…"

"Full out war against Potter and his friends?"

"Now you're talking! This'll be fun!" Snape said, rubbing his hands together mischievously, looking a lot like an evil maniac.

"No, don't do that," McGonagall said, eyeing Snape.

"Fine. We should get Dumbledore to help!"

"Yeah! With Albus on our side, we'll be unstoppable!" McGonagall said, with a scary expression on her face.

"Let's start plotting!" Snape said, as they temporarily forgot their anger and left the room together, ready to have their revenge.

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Dumbledore revealed themselves.

"This is bad," Harry said.

"What could a bunch of old teachers do, Harry?" Ron asked.

"Not just teachers, we're talking about the best witch in the school and a potions expert!" Hermione said. "Professor Dumbledore, you've got to help us!"

"Oh, I will, don't forget that," Dumbledore said, with a smile on her face. "I'll let you know what they plan once I 'meet' with them and promise them my aid." And with that, he left the room.

"Oh, boy, even with Dumbledore on our side, I'd hate to even think about Snape and McGonagall's revenge!" Harry said, with a worried look on his face.


	9. Chapter 9

My Love

Note: Thanks to all of my reviewers! Your reviews keep me happy! This chapter is relatively short, but I don't want to give away the prank just yet, It will be in the next chapter, sorry to keep you waiting. I think the next chapter will be the last one, just so you know. Please read and **_REVIEW!_**

Disclaimer: Please read the disclaimer from the first chapter, I can't come up with any more good disclaiming statements.

Chapter 9-They're Plottin' Somethin'

Snape and McGonagall walked down the hallway, discussing new pranks to play on Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

"How about turning them into toads?" McGonagall suggested.

"No, it has to be more embarrassing," Snape said.

"What about spreading a rumor that he's in love with Granger?"

"No, it's not good enough. WAIT! Is he in love with Granger?" Snape asked suspiciously.

"Only if you want them to be," McGonagall said mischievously.

"Nah, they used the prank on us, and love potions are getting old," Snape admitted.

"We'll talk to Dumbledore, he's bound to have some ideas."

The two of them walked to Dumbledore's office, but it was empty.

"Funny, every time I'm looking for him, he disappears," McGonagall said.

"I've got it! The perfect way to humiliate Potter!" Snape shouted excitedly. He whispered into McGonagall's ear, her smile broadening by the second.

"Brilliant! That'll show him not to mess with us! But, how do we do it? We'll need help! Any ideas on who to ask?"

"Let's see. Who in Hogwarts is willing to play a humiliating prank on Potter, Weasley, and Granger at any cost?" Snape said.

"Draco Malfoy," the two of them said together.

Inside the boy's bathroom, Draco Malfoy was very upset. He had just realized the trick Harry and his friends had played on him, and was determined to get them back, no matter what it takes. Draco walked back to the Slytherin common room, hoping that someone there would help him humiliate Potter.

"Mr. Malfoy," Snape said, seeing just the person that he was looking for. "Come here."

"Yes, Professor?" Malfoy asked innocently.

"I have something that I want you to help me with…"

Later that day, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were walking down the hallway to Charms class, when, suddenly, the three of them were hit by Stunning spells, and fell to the floor, unconscious. McGonagall, Snape, and Malfoy dragged their bodies into an empty classroom, and got to work. They dressed them in Muggle clothing, and put Harry in an Elvis costume, Ron in spandex (need I say more?), and Hermione in a puffy pink jacket that was completely open at the front (which made Malfoy stare incessantly) and a very short skirt.

"This is gonna be _good_," Snape said.

"Not good, it'll be hilarious!" McGonagall said.

"Just thinking about what they're gonna do makes me wanna burst into laughter!" Draco said, clutching his sides.

"When should we pull it off?" McGonagall asked.

"Tonight, right before dinner!" Snape suggested.

"Great! They won't know what hit them!" Draco exclaimed.


	10. Chapter 10

My Love

Note: This is the last chapter, I hope you've enjoyed the story. Please review, since it's the last part of the story you'll read! Please also read my other fics, including "Lost and Humiliated, Abe's Revenge" and "Goodbye Forever (which isn't really good, so don't read it cuz you might not like it!)". I'm coming up with a new story soon, please read it once I get started, which won't be for a while, since I'm very busy with school starting in a few days.

Disclaimer: Only the plot is mine, everything else is J. K.'s except the song lyrics, which are featured in the middle of this chapter. I think you will recognize the song, but I only know the first two words.

Chapter 10- The Ultimate Prank

That night, the students and teachers of Hogwarts got the best laugh that they had in years. it was dinnertime, and the students were in the Great Hall, ready to eat. Dumbledore was slightly worried, for since McGonagall and Snape hadn't come to him yet and ask for help with a prank, he was unable to warn Harry, Ron, and Hermione, who all assumed that Dumbledore had it all under control.

Standing behind a large suit of armor, Snape was waiting for his three targets to walk by so that he could put a spell on them that would enable him to control their movements for the next fifteen minutes. Just then, an unsuspecting Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked by, and Snape whispered:

"Elcrus Morbidato." Harry, Ron, and Hermione stopped dead in their tracks, that is, until Snape whispered their commands in their ears. The trio were still conscious of what was going on, but could not control what they did. They stood in horror of what Snape had told them to do, but the spell made them powerless to do so otherwise.

"Attention students," McGonagall said, rising from her seat. Dumbledore was feeling nervous about this. "I present to you, the official Hogwarts band: PMW, Potter, Mudblood, and Weasel!"

the students burst out laughing as Harry, Ron, and Hermione, dressed in Muggle clothes (or in Ron's case, spandex) stood on an empty table and looked about to perform something. Then, music started playing. It was a Muggle song, but most of the Hogwarts students had heard of it, due to the popularity of a show called "American Idol".

"SHE BANGS, SHE BANGS," Harry sang, no longer able to control himself. Inside, Harry was dying of humiliation.

Ron and Hermione was forced to be the background singers and dancers while Harry sang the William Hung version of "She Bangs". The entire school roared with laughter. It was hilarious, Harry, singing, and Ron and Hermione dancing horribly.

Then, Snape had an idea. "DO THE BUMP!" he shouted at the trio.

And, they did. Ron and Hermione. The sight was to die for. They attempted the bump, and fell over, knocking the microphone out of Harry's hands, while Harry kept singing in a horrible voice. It was hilarious.

After the song was over, the students cheered, while Dumbledore sank in his seat. _They're gonna kill me,_ he thought sadly, although this "show" was definitely worth it. People would be telling this to their grandkids, "I once saw Harry Potter sing like a maniac. It was so funny!".

Just when Harry, Ron, and Hermione thought they were done, things got worse for them. Hermione found herself walking to the front of the table, and singing "Baby One More Time". She was completely embarrassed, although she didn't sing quite as bad as Harry did. Not quite.

"Hit me baby one more time," Hermione sang uncontrollably. Harry and Ron stood behind her and danced very Britney Spears-ish. Ron's dancing was almost as bad as Harry's singing. People would hold this to them for the rest of their lives. They would be the center of all blackmail, although thanks to Lavender and Parvati, this performance was being recorded and, as promised by the two girls, would be later distributed to the entire school, and mailed to students' parents.

Finally, the show was nearly over, but, as part of the big finish, Ron jumped in the air and landed, doing the splits. _I'm never messing with love potions again,_ the three of them thought bitterly. Yep, Harry, Ron, and Hermione had definitely learned their lesson.

THE END!

I hope you liked it!

--Evilrabidplotbunnies

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